We have officially hit that point in the summer when everything starts to move in slow motion.
The kids are bored by 10 am, and by noon it's miserably hot.
Nothing to do but stay inside and attempt to keep yourself busy. Today I, the self proclaimed play dough hater, made a huge batch of play dough in a fit of "there's nothing to doooooooo" annoyance.
I might be the most bored of all, and my days seem to pass even more slowly than the children's.
When really all I want is to get the next month out of the way. Truly, September cannot come soon enough. If I could slip into a coma and sleep through August I'd be thrilled.
I have been facing the 1 year anniversary with dread for..well almost a year. At first it seemed so far away and I didn't want the time to pass. I wanted to stay in the moments, rooted in grief. Now I just want it done. The first of anything is always the hardest. We have tackled firsts right and left but this one seems mountainous in comparison to all the others.
13 long days stand between me and that date. I can't seem to focus on anything. There is sewing to do that I can't stand to think about. I should clean my house, do laundry, paint the bathroom.
I'd rather sleep.
These long hot days remind me, painfully of the long hot days a year ago. It's so familiar and I sit and wait for another shoe to drop.
I doubt I will ever not associate summer with tragedy.
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1 comments to Long summer days:
I have appreciated your writing about your experience of losing a child. You keep saying you can't find the words, and yet you obviously do. Those of us who have gone through something similar recognize the feelings. And I hope you will eventually heal, although there will always be a little piece of your heart that never quite closes over. And that will be OK, too.
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