I have a love/hate relationship with train wreck television.
I really try to not watch it. I do.
But when they tempt me with new episodes of hoarders I can't help myself. Once everyone is tucked into bed I pull out the chocolate, the tissues and indulge in an hour (or two if I'm really lucky) of pure devastation.
Last night I discovered Intervention. The episode featured a heroine addict who had basically lost all sense of self. She was doing literally anything for money to buy drugs. She didn't care if she lived or died. She is 22.
They talked a lot about the sexual abuse she endured as a teen, her non-existent mother, the lack of rules she grew up with. How all these things were the reason behind her heroine use.
Then they mentioned, in passing, that she started abusing drugs after she had a 7 month "miscarriage."
Beside the fact that 7 months is not a miscarriage, but a 3rd trimester stillborn.
No one ever mentioned the possibility that this loss caused her spiral. Before she lost her baby she was on the path to be a police officer. She was strong with purpose and a future.
Then her baby died and she became a drug addict, and never once did the interventionist, or her family, or herself put these pieces together. At least not on television.
There is no event more deserving of a life spiral than losing a child.
It really infuriated me to hear them justifying the drug abuse with the sexual abuse she endured, but never mentioning that losing her baby may have even so much as contributed.
My heart is still broken for this girl, even thinking about it now I can't stop the tears.
Yes, this is why I don't watch train wreck television. I get too attached.
Just as the media seems to be taking a giant step forward in recognizing baby loss and mother's grief (I have a mouth full to write about The Secret Life of an American teenager) I felt like Intervention pushed us all right back in the closet.
Oh you just lost a baby?
Pffft, call us when something real happens to you.
4 comments to Life spirals:
How true this is. Baby loss is yet another 'closeted; item. Never to be talked about after the fact. I've lost 4 babies. All of them early on in my pregnancy, 2 of them part of a triplet set. There is never a day gone by that I don't think of my babies and who they would have been. Thankfully, none of the losses started a life spiral, but how easily they could have. My heart hurts for that young girls, as it does for all mamas who have had to experience the heartbreak of the loss of a baby or child at any age.
"they" described Lilly Allen's late 2nd trimester loss as a miscarriage. It killed me. I have some guilt about considering Reese a stillbirth, technically she was a miscarriage but...idk. My second loss was a miscarriage. For me Reese wasn't but I hope that it isn't offensive that I just can't regard her that way.
off track, but yes-not spiraling I think is a conscious choice. Had she been my first baby I could have absolutely fallen apart even more...Levi certainly did. I don't think Levi has ever really realized how deeply our loss affected him but it was a definite trigger.
I hope she can find peace. I can understand how someone could spiral after such a deep loss. I am guessing the dismissal of such a HUGE loss does not help :( Shame on them...
From the very first moment you are pregnant with a baby, not a fetus.
I lost a baby at 7 months 35 years ago and I'm sitting here teary eyed and my throat constricted trying to keep it all inside still. I had 3 beautiful babies and subsequently had 3 more, but part of me still misses and grieves for that child. I hemmorraged after the birth and had to go to the hospital for a D&C - it was night, so they kept me until morning. That morning when the doctor came in he had several students with him and he informed them this was a "spontaneous abortion". I know intellectually that is the medical term for what happened but I felt like screaming to them - "How dare you call this an 'abortion'?" This was a beloved child - I wanted and hoped for and prayed for this baby and IT WAS NOT AN ABORTION!!!" Six weeks later I was pregnant with my next child, and was so happy but still in the back of my mind then and forever will be the one I lost. And yes, 6 live children (although my oldest passed away 2 years ago) and 23 grandchildren are the most wonderful thing possible, but I still miss that little one.
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